


Four Years Later

by erurification



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eruri Week 2015, I'm late ugh, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, PTSD, sort of...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 07:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4556334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erurification/pseuds/erurification
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The titans are gone and humanity is saved, yet Erwin does not believe that he can provide Levi with the future that he deserves. And so he makes the painful decision to give Levi up.</p><p>He has made the wrong choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Years Later

**Author's Note:**

> So I really wanted to do Eruri Week but was horribly busy! And on top of that, I have another chaptered fic that I should have finished ages ago! So I whipped this up in a hurry, you can probably tell it's very rushed and it may have a lot of mistakes so I'm sorry about that! It's going to be a brief two-part thing, and I'm attempting to cram all of the Eruri Week prompts into it. Can you find them all?
> 
> P.S. Please excuse all of the liberties I have taken lmao

_“Let me come with you,” Levi says, and Erwin shakes his head._

_“No, Levi,” he answers, and Levi is looking at him with such gut-wrenching disbelief that he can barely stand to face him. But he keeps their eyes locked together because it’s what Levi deserves._

_“Why not?” Levi asks, and his voice sounds almost childlike in its desperation, “Don’t you want me with you?”_

_He does, Sina and Maria and Rose all know he does. He’d once imagined that when the titans were gone, perhaps he and Levi might explore the world together for a few years, go see the ocean. And then they’d finally settle down somewhere, in a little house with a pretty garden in a quiet town. Just the two of them, and maybe some children later on. A family, a home, and Levi - everything that he wanted but could never have when titans were threatening to swallow humanity whole._

_But the titans are gone and Erwin is a hollow man now, an empty husk. Nearly everything was lost in those last operations that finally freed humanity and now Erwin is unsure if he has actually earned the happiness that he has been denied for all of those years. Can he really take what should be his, when he has already spent so many years giving all of it up?_

_Levi deserves more than that, Erwin thinks. He deserves someone who has the means to spoil him rotten, indulge him with all of the luxuries that he never enjoyed as a child in the slums. Someone who can hold him close with two good arms. Erwin would never forgive himself if Levi was trapped with him, doomed to play nursemaid to a man with one arm who can no longer distinguish nightmares from reality for the rest of his life._

_Every night, he lies down next to Levi in their bed and thinks that maybe everything will be all right. But in his sleep, Erwin is constantly tormented by the faces of the soldiers who have died under his command. They reach for him, little more than mangled flesh barely clinging to bone, smothering him and burying him. One too many times has he finally been awoken from those nightmares by the sound of Levi gasping for breath, only to open his eyes and see that his left hand is clenched tightly around his lover’s throat._

_He has heard stories of good men who return from war as monsters. They become hollow, just like he is now, and their families suffer._

_Erwin does not want to be that man who is overcome by his own demons, possessed and driven to do terrible things. He is so afraid of what he might do to Levi if he loses control of himself._

_“Don’t you see?” he finally says to the man in front of him, “I will hurt you. I cannot let myself do that to you.”_

_“I’m not a child!” Levi retorts, “I’m not helpless. I can protect myself and I can help you if you’ll let me try. Please, Erwin. I want to come with you.”_

_“You deserve a good life, Levi. I can’t give that to you.”_

_“I don’t want a good life, you idiot!” Levi shouts at him, “I want to be with **you**.”_

_But Erwin has made up his mind, and as terribly as it hurts, he knows that he cannot have Levi. Not like he is now. So he murmurs his apologies, tries to keep his voice from quivering, and kisses him one more time._

_Then he leaves without looking back._

After four years, Erwin returned.

During those years, he had lived primarily in solitude in a small cottage by the sea, afraid of hurting others and needing some time to deal with his demons on his own. He’d been to see a doctor as well, making a few secret trips to the city every few weeks to gauge his psychological state.

All of that time, he had never tried to maintain correspondence with Levi. If he did, then Levi would surely come to him and find a way to settle himself into his life. And Erwin couldn’t allow that, no matter how badly he wanted his raven haired beauty at his side once again. He would have to wait until he felt ready to rejoin society and was confident that he could be what Levi deserved.

Now, the nightmares were much less frequent, and he’d saved up some money here and there from some investments in various towns. Even the doctor was impressed by the progress he made, praising his resilience and mental fortitude during their sessions.

It had been a long time, but Erwin felt ready to face Levi once again.

He had a letter from Hanji - Hanji had been gone the past four years as well, exploring and researching with Moblit. She was writing a book, apparently, about all of the strange plants and animals they were discovering beyond Wall Maria. So she hadn’t seen Levi since the end of the war, either, but she had an address that she heard he was living at, and she wrote it down for Erwin in that letter.

Erwin couldn’t help but wonder what had become of Levi. A lot could happen in four years, after all. According to the address, the former captain now lived at a house in Sina, which still remained the capitol. Erwin found this surprising - he wouldn’t have thought that Levi should ever like to live there with the nobility. Having grown up in poverty, he’d always been disdainful of the upper classes, who he constantly referred to as “pigs.” But perhaps he’d made his fortune in some lucrative business and could afford to live in luxury. Or maybe had found a wealthy man to marry, a man who loved him and could pamper him and shower him with lavish gifts. If he had, then Erwin had no right to complain or be upset. He knew what he was giving up all those years ago when he had turned his back on Levi and left him behind with no guarantee that he’d ever return.

He had long since accepted that Levi could find happiness with another man and maybe even start a family with that man, and once Erwin came to terms with that, he didn’t mind it so much. As long as Levi was happy, then he was happy, too. But still, he wanted to see him.

Erwin arrived at the address Hanji had given him a day after returning to the capitol. It was a stately home, a lavish and ostentatious multi-storey townhouse nestled between a tailor and a haberdasher in the stylish end of town. The place certainly didn’t look like somewhere that Levi would live, but who knew? Four years was ample time for someone to change their tastes.

He was wearing new coat and gotten himself a haircut and a shave at the barber’s shop near the inn he was staying at. It would be the first time Levi would see him in four years and it simply wouldn’t do to look unkempt. After the haircut and shave, he looked very much like he had the day he’d left Levi. But would Levi be the same? Would he still be his Levi, just as beautiful as he remembered? Taking a deep breath and straightening his shoulders, Erwin reached out and knocked on the door.

He held his breath during the long pause that followed, and for a moment he feared that no-one was home. But then the door opened, and there Levi was, staring back at him with wide eyes.

“Erwin,” he breathed, a dazed expression on his face. “What...What are you doing here?” He looked ready to faint, and Erwin himself felt like his heart might burst out of his chest, neither of them daring to breathe.

“Levi, I…” he began, but his mouth felt dry and the words shrivelled away. His tongue felt like it was made of lead, he couldn’t make himself form a coherent sentence, not when this utter angel was standing in front of him.

Levi was wearing cleaning clothes, a kerchief in his hair and an apron around his waist. Honestly, it wasn’t all that surprising to Erwin. After all, Levi had been notorious for his constant need for cleanliness. That was one thing that hadn’t changed, Erwin supposed. Yet, something felt strange about the whole thing. Levi appeared thinner than he’d seen him last, and while his face hardly showed any signs of aging, he looked...tired. The dark circles under his eyes were even more prominent than he recalled, and something that looked like a fading bruise on his cheek mottled the china-doll complexion that Erwin had once marvelled over.

“Levi,” he tried again, although the right words escaped him yet again, “Levi, what is this…”

“Come in,” Levi muttered, opening the door wider so he could enter, “The master of the house is out on business right now, so we have some time to talk if you’d like.”

The former commander of the Survey Corps suddenly felt sick to the bottom of his stomach when the realisation finally hit him.

Levi did not own the house. He merely worked there.

As a servant.

Numbly, he let Levi lead him into the parlour, where he sat down without a word in an overstuffed velvet armchair. As gaudy as the interior of the townhouse was, it was spotlessly clean, and Erwin felt something twist in his gut when he thought about how tirelessly Levi must work to keep everything tidy.

He watched as Levi prepared a cup of tea for him, and he couldn’t help but notice how his former subordinate’s hands trembled as he poured the tea. They were both silent for a long time, and Levi did not look at him. His head remained bowed when he handed Erwin the cup, as if he was too ashamed to meet his gaze.

“Whose house is this?” Erwin finally managed to ask, and Levi’s eyes remained glued to the floor.

“Nicholas Lobov,” he answered quietly, and Erwin almost dropped the teacup.

“Lobov!? I thought he-”

“Anything’s possible when you have money. You can bribe your way out of anything you want, buy anything you want, pay off anyone you want. Don’t you know that well?”

“Even still,” Erwin protested, rising from his seat, “Why do you work for him? Out of all of the jobs you could find...”

“What would you have me do, Erwin!?” Levi cried, and he finally looked up at him to meet his gaze, “I had no money, no family, no home! All I had was you, and you left me!”

“You could have asked the Queen for help,” Erwin persisted, “She would have found you something to do with good wages to be made! Why did you have to come back to this man!?” Levi wasn’t stupid, surely he would have thought of that. His savings that had all been seized when the Survey Corps went on the run had been spent long ago by the former monarchy, just as Erwin’s had, but there was plenty of work to be found in the city, or even at the Queen’s palace. There had to be a damn good reason why Levi had thrown away his pride and crawled back to that despicable Lobov.

“It has nothing to do with money. He said he knew where you were,” Levi replied weakly, his eyes downcast once again. “He came to me...told me that rumour had it you were coming back to Sina once a month to see a doctor in the city. He has so many connections, so he knew who the doctor you’d been visiting was. He promised me...He promised me that he’d tell me where to find you if I came to work for him. If I pleased him, then he’d give me that information.”

Erwin was rendered utterly speechless. Levi had been so desperate to see him again that he’d resorted to _this_. Serving a disgustingly corrupt man, a man who knew him and his weakness and sought to take advantage of it. This was a man who had plotted to stop the Survey Corps from receiving funding, and he’d once tried to pay Levi to kill him.

“I’m sorry, Erwin. I knew you wouldn’t want me to look for you, but I couldn’t help myself. Even if you’d stopped loving me-”

“I have never stopped loving you,” Erwin interrupted fiercely, “Not even for one moment during all of these years.” The confession came out naturally, and Levi's eyes grew wide. But Erwin he couldn’t bear to hear Levi say something like that out loud. How could he think that? Had he really been so badly wounded by Erwin’s departure?

Levi had once been called Humanity’s Strongest, and now he was nothing more than a servant at the mercy of his master. Erwin had known him as the type of person who wouldn’t submit easily to anyone, but now, he had been made meek like a wild animal that had been forcibly domesticated. The thought was absolutely heartbreaking.

“It’s not so bad,” Levi continued quietly, seeming to sense Erwin’s discomfort, “I have a room to myself here, and I don’t mind cleaning.”

But Erwin had a sickening feeling that cleaning wasn’t all that Lobov asked of Levi. He’d heard plenty of stories of corrupt and lecherous nobles who forced their servants into performing all sorts of sexual favours on top of their normal duties. As desperate as he was, Levi probably did as told without complaint no matter how humiliating it all was, and Erwin was horrified when the thought came to him.

Why had Lobov sought Levi out in particular, manipulating him into his service? The only reason Erwin could think of was revenge for the past. Levi had joined Erwin instead of killing him as Lobov had been paying him to do, and all of Lobov’s plans had crumbled into dust. He didn’t see Lobov as the type of man who would forgive and forget when he’d been embarrassed by such a fiasco, and he had probably jumped at the opportunity to make Levi his, if only to knock that insolent rat from the Underground down a few pegs. It wouldn’t surprise Erwin if Lobov derived some sort of sick satisfaction from having Levi serve him like this.

Erwin had thought he’d been doing the noble thing by separating himself from Levi. But now he realised how wrong he had been. Because of his choice, Levi had been willing to put himself in such a degrading position, trapped with a disgusting man by the promise of being able to see him again.

However, it wasn’t too late to fix his mistakes. He could still make things right.

“Levi,” he implored, reaching out cup his former lover’s face in one hand. “You can’t keep living like this. I have wronged you terribly, and I don’t dare to ask for your forgiveness. But I will ask you to leave with me, right now. I won’t have you stay here for a moment longer.”

How he had missed touching him, feeling him, having him close by. He would not make the stupid mistake of letting him go again.

“I can’t just...run away with you right this instant,” Levi muttered, though he leaned instinctively into Erwin’s touch just as he had done so many years ago, “It’s not that simple. Like I said, Lobov has many connections. He could easily find us if we’re not careful.”

“Then when? Tonight? Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Levi whispered, “I need some time to get ready and start covering our tracks. And then I’ll come with you.”

This was how it should have been from the very beginning, Erwin thought. Back then, Levi had begged Erwin to let him go with him. He should have said yes. But now was not the time to dwell on the past, not when the future he had once dreamed of was within reach again.

“I’ll come back for you tomorrow night, then,” Erwin swore, “I’ll have a horse ready for you, and I’ll find us somewhere to stay where we won’t be found.”

“There’s a bridge north of here, just past the clock tower. Do you know it?”

Erwin nodded. In his days as commander of the Survey Corps, he’d made countless trips to the capitol, and even if it’d been a long time since then, he still knew the city like the back of his hand.

“I’ll meet you there at midnight,” Levi told him, “But you should go now, quickly. Lobov will be back soon.”

“I’ll wait for you,” Erwin promised, “And I swear to you, I will explain everything to you. I owe you that much.” And then he leaned down to kiss Levi for the first time in four years.

Levi clung him, kissing him back with heartbreaking desperation. Four years was far too long of a time to spend apart, but soon, they’d have all the time in the world to make up for those years they had lost, and Erwin allowed himself to become intoxicated by the feeling of Levi’s lips against his own and fingers splayed across his chest. He wanted to remain like this forever, holding Levi close. This was how they were meant to be.

The sound of a carriage’s wheels and horses’ hooves against cobblestone directly outside the door was enough to cause Levi to abruptly shove Erwin away from himself, their reunion cut short. Erwin wanted to stay - he’d give his remaining arm just to be with Levi for a moment more - but he knew what those sounds meant. Lobov had returned.

“Go through the back door,” Levi whispered urgently, pushing Erwin forward, “Hurry, he won’t see you if you’re fast.”

“Tomorrow, midnight. The bridge,” Erwin replied as he reluctantly let go of his lover, and Levi nodded.

“Tomorrow,” he repeated back, “Midnight. The bridge. Now hurry up and get out of here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, yes...our good friend Lobov. I'd always wondered what happened after he got screwed over in ACWNR, lol.


End file.
